Does your partner:
- Discourage you from pursuing your own interests?
- Act extremely jealous when you talk to other people, always call or text you, and demand to know who you are wtih at all times??
- Embarrass you in front of his/her or your friends, make you feel stupid, or call you names?
- Force you to do anything sexually you don't want to do, such as forcing you to have sex without protection?
- Make you afraid to say no to him/her or scar ad threaten you if you don't agree to do what he/she says?
If these are happening to you, you are the victim of domestic violence. Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior that one person uses in a relationship to control the other person.
- It's not your fault: He wants you to think that it is your fault, however, when someone else hurts you, it is their fault.
- Drinking is no excuse: He may try to use his drinking as an excuse for the violence. It only means that he has two problems, substance abuse and violence.
- Promises don't stop the violence: You may want to believe in his promises, but he will do it again.
- You need to choose: Leaving or calling the police can be the first step to stopping the violence.
- The children need a father: Yes, they do. They need a father that is a good role model. One that knows the difference between discipline and abuse.
- He needs some help: Whether he needs a lot or a little depends upon his willingness to change.
Safety is a Priority
Safety for you and your children should be your first concern. Recommendations for keeping yourself safe include:
- A safety plan to help you - whether you stay or leave.
- Make a safety plan. Remember, you know a lot about keeping yourself safe. Use it.
- Talk to family, friends or a shelter and decide where you can go if you must leave.
- Remember, leaving a batterer can be a very dangerous and violent time.
- Keep copies of important papers and extra clothes with a friend.
- Practice leaving.
- Be sure children know what to do if they aren't with you.
- Have a code word with neighbors and friends in case you need the police.
- Take your children when leaving if you can do so without risking their safety.
- If you cannot avoid an argument, try to be in a room with an exit.
For more information email K. Francey, our Victim and Witness Coordinator.